Inner Demons

I’m a writer.

The journey to realising that and being able to write it down has been tough. And I can see I always have been – a writer that is. I have piles of journals dating back to when I was little. Always penning it down. My thoughts, my dreams, my fears. But I never counted that as writing when judgement set in.

Somewhere along the way I deemed myself not good. Not good at writing. A bad writer. Not good enough to put pen to paper, finger to key.

And in doing so I expunged the creative flame within.

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Let The Inner Demon Out by Haze-d

It’s been almost a year, and after a long dark night of the soul I’ve unleashed it once more. Determined to grow it to be louder and stronger than the voice within that tells me I can’t.

Oh that voice that’s always there, I can’t do it. Not enough. Not good enough. 

I’ll be laughed at. 

Thoughts and more thoughts.

LOUD THOUGHTS!

But they weren’t there when all was lost. Those imaginary people that ridicule… Even they disappeared when I gave it all away. Because I’d safe guarded myself, given up all that was dear and all that possibly could make me vulnerable.

In desperate days of disillusion there was not much left to criticise, just me, laying paralysed without an inkling of creative energy left. But safe – or so I thought.

Yet I remained. A shell of myself, but me none-the-less.

So, I surmised, if I am all that remains, then it must be up to me. Only me. For me to release it all and let the flame soar once more. Daring to be a little higher than before. Not giving a shit at those who ridicule and throw stones, real or imaginary.

The voice is still within but I choose not to listen. Or partially listen but not care. Or not care so much. Whichever is true in the moment.

So I’m gleefully back, weary from the fight yet happy in the realisation that I was worth fighting for. And that I finally realised I was worth fighting for.

 

 

 

The night I met me.

Last night in meditation I was bestowed a missing link I’d been overlooking in my healing journey to self love.

The setting was a tranquil lagoon in which I was guided to witness something significant from my recent past. As I gazed down into the water I saw myself rising upward. Yep me, appearing exactly as I do today, however I viewed myself from a different perspective. It was from the eyes of others, and I felt the urge to meet myself and hang out with myself just like you would a new friend.

Realisation after realisation poured through me and I was offered the understanding that loving yourself has an undercurrent that can often be overlooked. The missing facet being that you might love yourself but not necessarily like yourself. For example; you can love members of your family but not want to spend every living moment with them, or similarly a friend that you only enjoy seeing now and again but you love dearly.

The meeting of myself was about liking myself. And I mean really liking myself. self-love-acceptance-awakening-healing-heal-how to, relationships

It was uncharted territory where I befriended myself. I saw who I was as a friend and I liked her.

We hung out and met on so many levels – probably because she is me. But it was like meeting my ultimate soulmate; we enjoyed all the same things!

I saw us hanging out together in my house. I saw us at the beach. I saw us laughing and getting each others jokes. A lot of time passed in an enlightening and blissful meditative trance where time held no meaning, and it was as though I’d been reunitied with my long lost best friend.

And I really, really liked her!

And that was the main realisation, I’d been working on self love for some time now, but forgot about self like. I’d forgotten to like myself in each moment and remember that I want to hang out with me and I enjoy being around me.

If you’ve read this far, then it might be time to ask yourself honestly – if you like you. Do you feel the same about yourself, just like you would a best friend that you can’t see enough of, or your partner whom you adore and always want to be around?

If the answer is no, don’t despair. You’re on the path to healing because you’re beginning to understand where you stand right now. Ask the angels or your spirit guide for assistance, request that they show you how loved you really are. And then ask them to help you discover how to befriend you.

Because when it comes down to it, you’re the one you spend literally all of your time with.

With love,

Sharon

 

 

 

After many years, I finally said I’m sorry.

Last night as I walked up my street I noticed I could feel the muscles in my legs with each step. As I paid attention I felt as though it was my body was calling out to me, and due to my calm state, I’d heard it’s call.

And what I experienced next was a sort of homecoming.

In a flash I remembered all of the years of abuse – verbal abuse – I’d spewed forth directed at my body. Years of hating it, standing in front of the mirror disgusted. Waves of negative energy poured into it, without reprieve, and from me no less.

These days the concept sounds absurd, however I did it for so long that the experiences are etched into my brain. I’ve done a lot of work on learning to accept myself, and some time after that I actually started to love myself. All of myself.

And these days I can even place my hands on my soft belly, and feel warmth and love.

And as I continued walking along the street, deeply aware of my body and our colourful past, I felt compelled to take our reconciliation further.

That’s when I started to say; I’m sorry. From the depths of my heart, I’m sorry. Over and over again.

And almost in the same breath, I heard myself saying I forgive you. Thank you. I forgive you. I love you.

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I was seeing my beautiful body for the wonderful vessel that it was. I saw my body as a wonderous creature who’d been assigned the task of housing my Spirit, to embark on this journey together.

I felt the insanity of hating on it for all of those years. 

It’s fascinating what compels us to writhe in such hate. And I’m not only referring to our ability to hate ourselves, it’s our ability to hate strangers, people, just anyone and anything can get us worked up to rage.

And we all seem to condone it. We attack haters with more hate and feel justified in doing so.

It makes me wonder, what will it take for us to respond to hate with love? 

Cos’ it seems to me that all of the hating isn’t getting us anywhere, and someone has to go first.

There is a well of love inside each of us, yet we cover it up with thick layers of hate. And any time we dip into our hate-layers, we strengthen them. It doesn’t matter where or to whom our anger is directed, we strengthen it.

Well I’m no longer strengthening mine, ever… For anyone.

It was through that beautiful experience of finally apologising for the years of abuse and being forgiven that I’ve been able to reach new depths of love and self-acceptance. It’s as though part of me was waiting for this day, and I finally showed up for it.

Do you have someone you need to say I’m sorry to?

I love you.

Sharon

“It is a radical act of love to befriend yourself.” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

 

Something we can all use!

how to, be happy, success, mindvalley, life, life purposeThe other night I watched an inspiring online video by the go-getter who started the publishing company MindValley, Vishen Lakhiani. In my view MindValley is potentially the new Hay House of our day.

In this video he was talking to an audience about how he built his multi-million dollar company and about what the key difference was, from achieving little to achieving and exceeding all of his goals.

You can watch the video here:

http://www.mindvalley.com/flow#sthash.L4b93luu.dpbs

But that is not what this post is about….

This post is about a word he used that I instantly fell in love with and have been using daily.

The word is:

BLISSIPLINE! 

Or Bliscipline. Which ever floats your boat.

It’s about having discipline to align your thoughts, feelings and actions with what brings you happiness.

For example: eating chocolate right now might be pleasurable but it would make me tired later on. So that is not in alignment with what I really want. What will bring me deeper and more fulfilling happiness and bliss. Alternatively I could eat an apple and do some study. This is in direct alignment with what will bring me the most fulfillment and joy, as well as keep me on track for future happiness, success and fulfillment.

This word is great because it reminds you why you are doing something – or not doing something as it may go. As opposed to the word discipline which unfortunately usually reminds us of feeling deprived or told off.

So add some bliss to your day whilst also sticking with your path of highest joy and success!