Inner Demons

I’m a writer.

The journey to realising that and being able to write it down has been tough. And I can see I always have been – a writer that is. I have piles of journals dating back to when I was little. Always penning it down. My thoughts, my dreams, my fears. But I never counted that as writing when judgement set in.

Somewhere along the way I deemed myself not good. Not good at writing. A bad writer. Not good enough to put pen to paper, finger to key.

And in doing so I expunged the creative flame within.

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Let The Inner Demon Out by Haze-d

It’s been almost a year, and after a long dark night of the soul I’ve unleashed it once more. Determined to grow it to be louder and stronger than the voice within that tells me I can’t.

Oh that voice that’s always there, I can’t do it. Not enough. Not good enough. 

I’ll be laughed at. 

Thoughts and more thoughts.

LOUD THOUGHTS!

But they weren’t there when all was lost. Those imaginary people that ridicule… Even they disappeared when I gave it all away. Because I’d safe guarded myself, given up all that was dear and all that possibly could make me vulnerable.

In desperate days of disillusion there was not much left to criticise, just me, laying paralysed without an inkling of creative energy left. But safe – or so I thought.

Yet I remained. A shell of myself, but me none-the-less.

So, I surmised, if I am all that remains, then it must be up to me. Only me. For me to release it all and let the flame soar once more. Daring to be a little higher than before. Not giving a shit at those who ridicule and throw stones, real or imaginary.

The voice is still within but I choose not to listen. Or partially listen but not care. Or not care so much. Whichever is true in the moment.

So I’m gleefully back, weary from the fight yet happy in the realisation that I was worth fighting for. And that I finally realised I was worth fighting for.

 

 

 

What we hide behind our smiles.

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In life we can easily get caught up in the race and forget to check if we’re going in the right direction. Or even if we’re on the right track. And we usually never stop to question whether the track we’re on is the right one for us anyway.

From the time we were little we’re told what we’re meant to do; get a job, fall in love, get married, buy a house, have kids, you know the story…

It’s a formula that’s been handed down to us from people we trust. But when we’re truly honest, are these people that we love and trust really happy? They’re giving us advice because that’s what they think will help us have the best life, but as Bob Dylan would say; these times, they are a changin. 

They’ve made their choices and done the best with what they’ve had, but does that mean we need to follow down the same path?

And what happens at the end of it all, if you’re not happy? What then? Do you ask for a refund if it hasn’t turned out?

Well, don’t worry cos we can stop the steam train whenever we want, we just have to press the bell.

And it’s never too late to press the bell.

So what’s holding you back then?

The biggest challenge for most people is that they’re too scared to be honest. Most people that aren’t happy secretly think there’s no solution for it. They think their plight is futile so they go on pretending, burying the truth deep inside.

They fear that there’s no hope for them so they carry on pretending (without realising everyone else is pretending as well).

But that’s where we’re wrong.

While it might seem that there’s no solution, it only appears that way because the truth of the situation is is hidden from the light of day. We have to accept the truth first, and then our answers come. They might not come right away, but they will come. We have to be brave enough to open the door first, without knowing where it’s leading to.

The universe needs space and time to respond, but it won’t respond at all if there’s no invitation.

Don’t be scared to admit your life hasn’t turned out exactly as you planned. It’s that way for almost every single person. tiger, help, anxiety, wellington, hypnosis, life, relationships, life purpose, help with, how to, healing

It’s time to be the fearless tiger and speak up.

It’s okay that  you’re not happy, it’s a normal feeling to experience. And by admitting it (even just to yourself) you’ve just moved one step closer to feeling better – genuinely better.

With love,

Sharon

PS. if you’d like some help contact me at Waking Life. You never have to go through it alone – that’s what I’m here for.