Inner Demons

I’m a writer.

The journey to realising that and being able to write it down has been tough. And I can see I always have been – a writer that is. I have piles of journals dating back to when I was little. Always penning it down. My thoughts, my dreams, my fears. But I never counted that as writing when judgement set in.

Somewhere along the way I deemed myself not good. Not good at writing. A bad writer. Not good enough to put pen to paper, finger to key.

And in doing so I expunged the creative flame within.

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Let The Inner Demon Out by Haze-d

It’s been almost a year, and after a long dark night of the soul I’ve unleashed it once more. Determined to grow it to be louder and stronger than the voice within that tells me I can’t.

Oh that voice that’s always there, I can’t do it. Not enough. Not good enough. 

I’ll be laughed at. 

Thoughts and more thoughts.

LOUD THOUGHTS!

But they weren’t there when all was lost. Those imaginary people that ridicule… Even they disappeared when I gave it all away. Because I’d safe guarded myself, given up all that was dear and all that possibly could make me vulnerable.

In desperate days of disillusion there was not much left to criticise, just me, laying paralysed without an inkling of creative energy left. But safe – or so I thought.

Yet I remained. A shell of myself, but me none-the-less.

So, I surmised, if I am all that remains, then it must be up to me. Only me. For me to release it all and let the flame soar once more. Daring to be a little higher than before. Not giving a shit at those who ridicule and throw stones, real or imaginary.

The voice is still within but I choose not to listen. Or partially listen but not care. Or not care so much. Whichever is true in the moment.

So I’m gleefully back, weary from the fight yet happy in the realisation that I was worth fighting for. And that I finally realised I was worth fighting for.

 

 

 

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Heal Your Body Issues

 

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I had an interesting experience of realisation in the bath yesterday. Yes I know…The bath 🙂 I’ve put on a few kg’s recently and as I looked at my belly and legs it would have been easy to slip into old habits of abusive thoughts – so fat, gross, disgusting.

But instead I looked at all my jiggly parts and told each of them how much I loved them.  I repeated it over and over again. And as I did this, I started to see my body in a completely different light.

I saw it as strong. I saw the extra weight as a reflection of my increased trust in awakening and revealing my personal power to the world. I felt proud of my body and my strength as a woman.

Then I had a glimpse of a possible future for myself and all sisters around the globe. I saw what is viewed in societal eyes as attractive in a woman changing from slim, to bigger. I know we like to think that we’re there already, but c’mon, we’re not. There’s still so much media influence on what’s attractive and for years now – it’s been the slim and slender female figure that’s been projected as alluring. To the point that most women are disgusted by their bodies and view them as anything other than alluring.

Yet I could see it going hand in hand, with the rise of the feminine, comes the rise of women expressing their divine power to the world. It comes the total love and admiration of our bodies – by us! Wholly embracing our lustrous curves and soft centres.

And then the echo occurs. We’ve allowed this picture to be perpetuated and we’ve certainly played our part in taking that further. We don’t need to be worried about others berating our bodies because we’ve already been doing it. But I say, that’s enough! Now is the time to ride the wave of change and it starts with our own secret views of ourselves. That’s where the true change starts. That’s where your power lies.

I see a future where women want their bodies to reflect their inner strength, where they no longer want to play a submissive role in order to be accepted as female or let a man feel manly. And it’s through this avenue of powerful love that all will follow suit, but it’s up to us to lead the way.

Let’s stop getting angry at the magazines that portray unrealistic figures and start getting fed up and fired up at how we demand these unrealistic, made up ideals onto ourselves.

And we do it all the time! Walking past a window, glancing over to check your reflection, oh I’m disgusting, I’m so fat, I’m so ugly. That’s where the real atrocity lies! That we do it to ourselves! It’s not them, it’s been us for years. And I’ve had enough.

I’m embracing all the wonders of my form and I challenge you to do the same.

Enough is enough.

By Sharon Cavill

 

 

 

 

 

The Big Blocker of Happiness

selfhelp, personal development, help, how to, guilt, whyThere’s something so strong that keeps us stuck in the reality of illusion, pain and struggle.

It holds us to our painful past and prevents us from seeing who we really are and becoming all that we can be.

The big blocker of happiness, keeping us trapped in a painful, hateful and hurtful world is…

GUILT

and it is completely superfluous.

We trick ourselves into thinking GUILT serves a purpose. In that feeling guilty helps us to learn from past mistakes, and prevents us from becoming an outrageous person with no regard or compassion for others.

But really?

When you question the validity of guilt, does it really do these things?

Or does it just make us feel bad. Feel lesser than, not equal to, wrong, terrible, evil.

And when we feel lesser than and crap what do we do from that place?

Do we spring out of bed, buy flowers for our neighbour, connect with our friends, speak up for ourselves at work, dream up a new goal to aim for?

No, we contract and hide away from the world.

Slinking like a shunned creature hiding in a back alley.

It’s purposeless and pointless. And makes us feel bad. We learn our lessons anyway, we don’t need to rub our noses in it.

So if not guilt, then what?

Compassion.

Toward yourself and others.

If you realise that you said or did something (or even just thought something) that may’ve hurt yourself or another, acknowledge it to yourself (and potentially the other person involved) then let it go.

A helpful method of letting it go is to do some self enquiry with compassion (and that’s the important C-word). Ponder for a moment why you might have done/said/thought what you did, and then go even deeper.

What was going on for you at that time, deep within?

Maybe you were wanting attention, or feeling unloved, or deep down you were really calling out a desperate cry for love.

Then tell yourself that you’re okay. Because you are. We all are. And we all do/say/think mean, stupid things….It doesn’t mean that you’re evil, horrible, or stupid.

It’s part of being human.

We all have those same thoughts, we all say things and even think things that we don’t really mean. And you know what? They don’t actually mean anything. They’re not true. They’re not who you really are.

Kindly let it go and move on. Trust that you’ve learnt all you’ve needed and connect back into your heart.

Recognise you are a divine being of love even though sometimes you might feel like you’re hiding your inner evil bitch. Just because you (and everyone else in the world, including me) have certain thoughts or feelings, or say things that are mean, doesn’t actually mean that’s who you are.

 

 

 

Out of my comfort zone

Shambhala Meditation Centre, meditation, guided, guide, healing, Hypnotherapy, help, anxiety, relax, how to, stress, health, life, happyI am the biggest creature of habit. As soon as I’ve done something – like gone to a cafe, driven a particular way, or cooked a meal that I like, then I will continue to make it, go there or do that, in the same way for years. It makes me happy because it is familiar and easy. But it’s not true happiness – it’s comfort.

About a month ago I attended a workshop at a beautiful meditation centre in the heart of Wellington. As soon as I walked in I was in love with the room. The place was divine and somewhere within me was a yearning to be the person up the front running the class from that very space.

Thankfully I acted upon this little yearning and almost too easily, after a few calls and an application, things fell into place and it was all set in motion. I was going to hold a class from this venue.

However, almost in the same breath of it being locked in I felt ‘it’. A feeling I know so well, in the pit of my stomach. Fear. What had I done?

I wanted to slink away and hide.

But this time was different. As I felt the usual feeling in my stomach and regret wash over me I invited in a new sense of awareness. I was aware what I was feeling was fear. Just fear. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a feeling.

In that moment I recognised I had two choices. One, to slink back into my comfort zone and not push forward. Or two, to do it anyway. In spite of the fear – or even because of the fear! I recognised that this was something that I really wanted to do and that would it could encourage growth for me BECAUSE of the feeling of fear.

It’s always the things that scare us that bring us the most reward.

So I did it.

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And last night my partner and I held a meditation class from this beautiful venue. Now it is not new anymore. I’ve done it. And I’m really looking forward to running it again next week.

I have expanded my circle to include something that was new but that can now sit inside my comfort zone. I’ve expanded my comfort zone! And you know what else I’ve got inside my zone? The knowing, through this new experience, that I can grow and enjoy doing something which scares me.

When was the last time you did something new?

How to feel better about yourself

how to be happy, guilt, help, love, life, lifestyle, acceptance. radical, selfhelpParadoxes never ceases to amaze me. Our world is full of them and when I find another one I feel like I have figured out the next clue to help me navigate through this game of life.

The latest paradox I have been reflecting upon is how we constantly judge and define all the ways in which other people are different to us. But it is not just that we do this, the paradox lies in why we do this. Usually we judge how other people are different to us in an attempt to feel better about ourselves. (Whether we consciously recognise this or not is another story).

The paradox of it all is that it is through sameness and recognition of how we are alike that we can genuinely feel better.

It is through Oneness and through healing our feelings of separation that we can finally know who we really are. Through understanding who we are we can then love and accept ourselves wildly in every moment.

And that is how we can feel better. That is how we can feel so good that we can experience a life full of peace, joy and happiness. And love. Unfiltered, overflowing love. But it all starts within. Once we feel good about ourselves then we cease needing to judge others because we understand and accept them. This doesn’t mean condoning but it also means not condemning. Through wild self love and unreasonable self acceptance we cease needing to judge others at all. Because we no longer judge ourselves.

A little exercise in feeling better:

Close your eyes and let your mind wander to all the people who frustrate you, or who you deem to be nothing like you. C’mon, you know who they are. Let images or thoughts of anyone and everyone come into your mind. As they start appearing repeat the following statement:

I love and accept all of me. I love and accept all of me. I love and accept all of me.

How do you feel about these people now?

How do you feel about yourself?

Appreciate Me!

you are perfectIt occurred to me recently that I had become that person who repeats that cool thing I did last week, just in case you didn’t hear the first time… The person that once again squeezes into conversation that good deed I did or the idea that I came up with – emphasizing the ‘I’….

I was seeking appreciation and continually feeling unsatisfied with the response. I wasn’t feeling heard or recognised. I was feeling undervalued. I surprised myself when this realisation surfaced within me…  And I’m still not quite sure when this started but as I reflected on some of my conversations of late I began to cringe at the sound of my own voice.

That’s when it dawned on me (like a tonne of bricks)… I don’t value myself. If I am seeking external appreciation and not feeling fulfilled when I get it, then it is clear I am seeking this appreciation from the wrong source. You will always be left feeling unfulfilled if you are seeking from the external world that which you have not given yourself internally first.

As soon as I realised this I sat down quietly by myself, I began to let my mind roam free of censorship and began to think about all of the wonderful things I do. I was once again cringing to myself initially but I fought through. As I continued pondering the good things I do they actually started rolling easily out of my head and I felt myself filling up. I was smiling and seeing myself as I’ve always wanted to be seen, and by the person whom I’d always wanted to notice me!

Its okay to value yourself, its okay to realise that you do good in this world, that you do your best and you are a good person. We all make mistakes but we also always do our best with what we have at the time. What have you done lately that you haven’t fully recognised yourself for?