Inner Demons

I’m a writer.

The journey to realising that and being able to write it down has been tough. And I can see I always have been – a writer that is. I have piles of journals dating back to when I was little. Always penning it down. My thoughts, my dreams, my fears. But I never counted that as writing when judgement set in.

Somewhere along the way I deemed myself not good. Not good at writing. A bad writer. Not good enough to put pen to paper, finger to key.

And in doing so I expunged the creative flame within.

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Let The Inner Demon Out by Haze-d

It’s been almost a year, and after a long dark night of the soul I’ve unleashed it once more. Determined to grow it to be louder and stronger than the voice within that tells me I can’t.

Oh that voice that’s always there, I can’t do it. Not enough. Not good enough. 

I’ll be laughed at. 

Thoughts and more thoughts.

LOUD THOUGHTS!

But they weren’t there when all was lost. Those imaginary people that ridicule… Even they disappeared when I gave it all away. Because I’d safe guarded myself, given up all that was dear and all that possibly could make me vulnerable.

In desperate days of disillusion there was not much left to criticise, just me, laying paralysed without an inkling of creative energy left. But safe – or so I thought.

Yet I remained. A shell of myself, but me none-the-less.

So, I surmised, if I am all that remains, then it must be up to me. Only me. For me to release it all and let the flame soar once more. Daring to be a little higher than before. Not giving a shit at those who ridicule and throw stones, real or imaginary.

The voice is still within but I choose not to listen. Or partially listen but not care. Or not care so much. Whichever is true in the moment.

So I’m gleefully back, weary from the fight yet happy in the realisation that I was worth fighting for. And that I finally realised I was worth fighting for.

 

 

 

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Has anybody been through a period of upheaval recently?

2015, lunar eclipse, energies, shift, help, how to, 444, 222, 11:11We moved house last week which was a big period of change, like it is for anyone, but as go the energies of this year – it didn’t pan out as planned…

As soon as we moved we were informed our new rental might not be the long term place we’d originally thought it to be, and in fact that we might have to move again.

Interestingly though it’s not just me who’s been experiencing periods of great change and upheaval. For many of us 2015 has become the year of surprises. Astrologers have been talking about intense energies that have been at play for a while, but which (thankfully) are meant to be turning and shifting, closing down the tumultuous pulse, and spiraling into a new phase tonight, with the lunar eclipse.

But what feels like the only constant in the past few crazy months, has become the lesson of acceptance. I asked a little while ago (not to anyone in particular, but more to the universe and my soul) to understand acceptance – total ultimate, unconditional acceptance – and ever since then everything has become a surprise. I try to plan (yeah I know – plan and god laughs…) and as soon as I believe everything is going one way I end up being surprised at every turn. And it’s as though the only thing I can plan for is knowing that everything will change.

So having just moved into our new house we’ve spent the past few days looking at houses… But I’m getting better at it, not at looking at houses, but better at acceptance. It’s all okay. I’m learning. And I’ve realised that my ego still loves to rise up and latch onto future events and it seems every time I do that events don’t turn out how I’ve thought they were going to. I’m and many of us, are being taught that we can’t keep allowing our ego to drive the ship. It’s time to retire the old gal.

And I keep hearing the taoist allegory about the farmer and his son, going round and round in my head. Hmm are they trying to tell me something? Ya think….

Here is the story for you too, because maybe you are right here reading this post because you are being guided to learn something helpful for your own life.

The story is about old farmer who had worked his crops for many years.

One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbours came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.

“May be,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbours exclaimed.

“May be,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbours again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.

“May be,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbours congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

“May be,” said the farmer.

I, like many people, am being reminded that everything is the same -and that’s okay. Nothing is good nor bad, and as soon as we judge it to be either one we can be sure our ego is at play. And we just can’t get away with ego-living anymore – especially when we’ve declared we want to help and evolve, be a light worker or a healer, or therapist, or a kind person. Whatever direction we are taking it’s time for the soul to be our guiding force. Living any other way will no longer be smooth, enjoyable or even do-able.

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I can see how much I’d labelled the new house as ‘good’. ‘Great’ in fact. To the point that I couldn’t wait to move and I was living within my mind, very much in the future. In a future place that was deemed better than my current place – my current moment.

In conclusion, the lesson I am learning big time for 2015 is acceptance of what is. Radical, limitless acceptance of everyone and everything and every moment as it is. No judgement, no ego-driven future filled with better times to look forward to. Just now, just as it is. Reality.

Do you catch yourself thinking about how everything will be good soon? Or how you will be happy, successful, or have more time in the future?

Can you recognise when your ego-mind is at play?

Wisdom to stop those Sugary-Binges

acceptance, love, binge eating, weightloss, how to lose weight, best, how toRecently I’ve been on a binge of sweet treats. The bait is chocolate, choc-chip cookies, cake….well basically if it has sugar and cocoa in it I’m hooked.

I’ve experienced an interesting although not uncommon journey with sweet foods and food in general. Years ago I placed a great deal of emphasis on body image. I wanted above all to be skinny so I deprived myself of so many different kinds of foods. I remember sprouting on and on about how much I hated butter, which was never actually true but it seemed to get me attention (which I liked…even though I pretended I didn’t) and get me out of eating anything with butter in it, which (god forbid) might be fattening…

Healing and therapy work helped me to gain a deeper understanding about myself and the universe, and through further discovery I’ve mostly healed this part of myself. Through this healing and acceptance, I’ve been able to eat without feeling guilty afterwards, and choose what I actually want to eat and not just what would have the least calories or be easiest to burn off. I’ve actually discovered how to love my gorgeous body, tummy, thighs and all! However from time to time I’d find myself binge eating. And not just binge eating anything, I’d developed a strong inclination toward sweet foods.

A year or so ago another shift occurred amidst a chocolatey-binge session. I was knee deep in a block of Whittaker’s chocolate when I started to honestly question what was really going on. A part of me told myself that it was harmless and okay, however there was another part of me that was still curious as to why I was fairly balanced with my eating habits, except for the odd occasion in which I’d uncontrollably fly off the handle and wind up acting like a choc-crack addict needing hit after hit after hit.

I reflected on myself and my habits for sometime however I didn’t feel as though I was having any blinding ah-har moments. But I kept at it, sitting in gentle curiousity of myself without allowing in any guilt or critical thoughts. I was set on understanding myself with compassion and acceptance. And it was through this gentle and kind enquiry that I learned something new. I was lead to go deeper into meditation and consult my higher wisdom for the insight I desired.

Deep breathing and meditation helped me to get past the pesky thoughts which were popping up and crowding my mind, and I used visualisation to set off on a journey to a meeting place. At that time I was working with my meeting place being in a beautiful garden sitting under a tree. I waited there in my mind and called in a Being or Guide to help me with this issue.

I felt a shudder rush up my spine and then straight back down again, then goose bumps formed down my right leg. I felt the angel Archangel Michael whom I work with a lot, come to me and so I mentally said hello. Hello dear child I heard back. I thanked Archangel Michael for coming then I began to ask him questions about my eating habits.

Why do I continually have bouts of binge eating chocolates and sweets which I can’t seem to control? What do I get from eating sweet food?

Almost immediately I received a profound and insightful response.

You tell yourself you love you through sweet foods.

I knew exactly what he was talking about. All the years of punishing myself and telling myself I was worthless through depriving myself of foods, now I was playing out a misguided paradox.

It also made sense why these urges would come and go. I could see why sometimes it was relatively easy to be mostly sugar-free but then why I would have periods where I would crack and eat chocolates everyday for a few days or even a week. It was these times I needed love.

When I felt the strongest urges for a binge on sweet foods these were the times I needed to pause and accept and love myself. So conversely when I needed to hear I love you and I wasn’t giving that to myself I would turn to the sweet stuff.

I thanked Archangel Michael and felt I knew what I had to do. Anytime I craved sweet foods I could know that what I really needed was love and work to give that to myself.

So as I go through this phase once more I have remembered the understanding I gained about myself and my needs. I need some self love. When I pause and focus on what I really need it seems clear that through the last week or so I have felt uncomfortable and have been feeling a lot of pressure as my partner and I move house. It is times of change or upheival that I (and most of us) extra self-love is required.

Already I feel the cravings dissipate and a deeper more sturdy warmth holding me instead. I will encourage more self-love through some deep breathing, a good selfie-hug and a meditation to connect back into my soul love energy within -which is sweeter than any chocolate every could be 🙂

Do you have habits which you feel as though you can’t control? What could they be telling you?

Sometimes ya gotta laugh

chakra, healing, energy, meditation, reiki, how to, laugh, funny, cartoonWhen I started going to spiritual meetings, events and workshops I found that everyone seemed so serious. And for a while there was a part of me that joined in.

I thought that maybe we did need to be quiet, reserved and respectful when it came to meditation, healing and spiritual journeys. But the more I have ventured this territory on my own (and my own way) I’ve realised that you don’t have to be quiet, reserved and serious. Well more accurately, I’ve realised that you don’t have to be anything. It’s all up to you – to each of us. And we are all right whatever choose.

Some people like to be serious about it all (life), or about certain aspects of life, and some light-hearted – and they are both right and okay.

So a little while ago I gave myself the permission to be light. While scary at first I started to see that people resonated with this way of approaching spiritual work, meditation and healing, and I still attracted clients and groups of people to work with. And I’m sure that when I let go of even more of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’  I still abide by, I’ll attract even more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You, wise being of love

awakening, enlightenment, happy, how to, love, life, inspiration, inspiring, spiritual, spiritI used to think life was hard and that people were mean. I cried many times and questioned how people could be so harsh. I would hide under the covers in my bed and not want to come out again.

But now I get it. I understand why people are like that. Why we can be like that.

When a person is mean, or doesn’t like you, or is hurtful, it is okay because that is not who they really are.

That is their small self acting out of fear.

How we feel about it is up to us and in these moments of life and interaction with another person, we have a choice.

We can react to their words and actions, and morph into our small ego-self…Matching who they are being…

Or, we can stay connected to who we really are and regonise their true self – a being of love.

By seeing their higher self by remaining connected to our own highest self, we are able to see that they do not really see us because they are yet to see themselves.

And by staying connected to our true self we can help awaken others to their own inner beauty, power and love.

We are all magnificent beyond words and beyond thoughts. And no matter what we do or say this will always be true.

There is so much love to be experienced by staying connected to the truth about us all no matter what.

It is time to step out of the old layer of skin and let it fall behind us as we finally acknowledge ourselves as the wise beings of love that we truly are.

With love,

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How to feel better about yourself

how to be happy, guilt, help, love, life, lifestyle, acceptance. radical, selfhelpParadoxes never ceases to amaze me. Our world is full of them and when I find another one I feel like I have figured out the next clue to help me navigate through this game of life.

The latest paradox I have been reflecting upon is how we constantly judge and define all the ways in which other people are different to us. But it is not just that we do this, the paradox lies in why we do this. Usually we judge how other people are different to us in an attempt to feel better about ourselves. (Whether we consciously recognise this or not is another story).

The paradox of it all is that it is through sameness and recognition of how we are alike that we can genuinely feel better.

It is through Oneness and through healing our feelings of separation that we can finally know who we really are. Through understanding who we are we can then love and accept ourselves wildly in every moment.

And that is how we can feel better. That is how we can feel so good that we can experience a life full of peace, joy and happiness. And love. Unfiltered, overflowing love. But it all starts within. Once we feel good about ourselves then we cease needing to judge others because we understand and accept them. This doesn’t mean condoning but it also means not condemning. Through wild self love and unreasonable self acceptance we cease needing to judge others at all. Because we no longer judge ourselves.

A little exercise in feeling better:

Close your eyes and let your mind wander to all the people who frustrate you, or who you deem to be nothing like you. C’mon, you know who they are. Let images or thoughts of anyone and everyone come into your mind. As they start appearing repeat the following statement:

I love and accept all of me. I love and accept all of me. I love and accept all of me.

How do you feel about these people now?

How do you feel about yourself?

Our Greatest Obstacle

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Our perception that we understand what things are just because we remember a label or a definition, or that we know what we are doing, is the greatest blocker to experiencing what is actually occurring. I think the world would be a much freerer place if we just admitted that we don’t really understand anything AND that it’s okay not know!

We are all just here experiencing the same ride and we are all children of the cosmos – no matter what age we think we are! So let’s be kids again.

Give yourself permission to know that it’s okay not to know. Because it is. You are okay just as you are. We all are. So let’s give others a break too. We are all just giving this ‘life’ thing a go.

Let’s jump to compassion and understanding quicker than we jump to judgement.

What would your life be like if you let yourself be okay with not knowing everything?

What would your life be like if you let yourself be okay with not feeling as though you should know everything?

Do You Say Yes When You Really Mean No?

Self-love, Self-acceptance, how to, Life coach,Do you find yourself saying yes a lot, and then in the not too distant future resenting the person or the situation you said yes to?

Do you try to avoid certain people or situations because you are worried you’ll agree to something that you don’t really want to do?

So why is it that we say yes when we mean no?

Usually this stems from a deeper need to be liked and accepted by others. We cannot fathom upsetting someone by saying no to them because this may cause them to not like us and reject us. Don’t worry if this is you, because you’re certainly not alone; and awareness of the self is one of the fast tracks to change – deep, profound and lasting change.

If we dig a little deeper an incessant need to be liked and accepted usually comes from not feeling good enough, which is really a lack of self-love and self-acceptance and approval. We constantly run around chasing our tails, seeking acceptance and approval from external sources, and are usually left feeling unsatisfied afterward. This is because we think we need the approval from others, we think this will make us feel loved, wanted and feeling as though we belong. Only it actually leaves us feeling the same desire and insatiable need to be liked and accepted the very next day – or even the very next conversation we have. The need to be liked and accepted never gets satisfied this way.

And you know why?

We’re looking in the wrong direction.

If you want to continue looking outside yourself for love, approval and acceptance then the only place to look is in the mirror.

A simple and powerful technique to get you going on the track to saying no when you mean no, is the realisation that when you say no to another person you actually are still saying yes.

You are saying YES to YOU!

This means that if you realise you are saying yes to someone else, and it’s really a no to you then this is your big opportunity to turn the tables! Say no to them and YES to YOU!

Feel the YES to YOU as you’re saying no to them. Even say YES to yourself in your head while you’re still having the conversation with them to really reinforce your self-acceptance and support.

This will get easier the more you do it.

Know that when you can say YES to YOU you are saying that you love yourself enough, and you value yourself enough to say YES to YOU. And nine times out of ten the other person will actually feel your self-love and really value your response. They may even appreciate your honesty and respect you for speaking up! And even if they don’t it doesn’t matter, because you have given yourself the BIG tick of approval, so what the other person thinks, feels, and says is no longer affecting you in the same way that it has in the past.

So next time you feel yourself agreeing to something you don’t really want, stop and ask yourself what YOU want. Ask yourself who are you saying yes to.

It’s always gotta be a YES to YOU!