Do you try to avoid certain people or situations because you are worried you’ll agree to something that you don’t really want to do?
So why is it that we say yes when we mean no?
Usually this stems from a deeper need to be liked and accepted by others. We cannot fathom upsetting someone by saying no to them because this may cause them to not like us and reject us. Don’t worry if this is you, because you’re certainly not alone; and awareness of the self is one of the fast tracks to change – deep, profound and lasting change.
If we dig a little deeper an incessant need to be liked and accepted usually comes from not feeling good enough, which is really a lack of self-love and self-acceptance and approval. We constantly run around chasing our tails, seeking acceptance and approval from external sources, and are usually left feeling unsatisfied afterward. This is because we think we need the approval from others, we think this will make us feel loved, wanted and feeling as though we belong. Only it actually leaves us feeling the same desire and insatiable need to be liked and accepted the very next day – or even the very next conversation we have. The need to be liked and accepted never gets satisfied this way.
And you know why?
We’re looking in the wrong direction.
If you want to continue looking outside yourself for love, approval and acceptance then the only place to look is in the mirror.
A simple and powerful technique to get you going on the track to saying no when you mean no, is the realisation that when you say no to another person you actually are still saying yes.
You are saying YES to YOU!
This means that if you realise you are saying yes to someone else, and it’s really a no to you then this is your big opportunity to turn the tables! Say no to them and YES to YOU!
Feel the YES to YOU as you’re saying no to them. Even say YES to yourself in your head while you’re still having the conversation with them to really reinforce your self-acceptance and support.
This will get easier the more you do it.
Know that when you can say YES to YOU you are saying that you love yourself enough, and you value yourself enough to say YES to YOU. And nine times out of ten the other person will actually feel your self-love and really value your response. They may even appreciate your honesty and respect you for speaking up! And even if they don’t it doesn’t matter, because you have given yourself the BIG tick of approval, so what the other person thinks, feels, and says is no longer affecting you in the same way that it has in the past.
So next time you feel yourself agreeing to something you don’t really want, stop and ask yourself what YOU want. Ask yourself who are you saying yes to.
It’s always gotta be a YES to YOU!