It occurred to me recently that I had become that person who repeats that cool thing I did last week, just in case you didn’t hear the first time… The person that once again squeezes into conversation that good deed I did or the idea that I came up with – emphasizing the ‘I’….
I was seeking appreciation and continually feeling unsatisfied with the response. I wasn’t feeling heard or recognised. I was feeling undervalued. I surprised myself when this realisation surfaced within me… And I’m still not quite sure when this started but as I reflected on some of my conversations of late I began to cringe at the sound of my own voice.
That’s when it dawned on me (like a tonne of bricks)… I don’t value myself. If I am seeking external appreciation and not feeling fulfilled when I get it, then it is clear I am seeking this appreciation from the wrong source. You will always be left feeling unfulfilled if you are seeking from the external world that which you have not given yourself internally first.
As soon as I realised this I sat down quietly by myself, I began to let my mind roam free of censorship and began to think about all of the wonderful things I do. I was once again cringing to myself initially but I fought through. As I continued pondering the good things I do they actually started rolling easily out of my head and I felt myself filling up. I was smiling and seeing myself as I’ve always wanted to be seen, and by the person whom I’d always wanted to notice me!
Its okay to value yourself, its okay to realise that you do good in this world, that you do your best and you are a good person. We all make mistakes but we also always do our best with what we have at the time. What have you done lately that you haven’t fully recognised yourself for?